March 16, 2008

Demonic rabbits and John Daly's self destruction continues…

During Christmas, I commented about the "crack elves" over at the Hanoi Horison Hotel, so it was only natural that the GM, Christoph Voegeli, couldn’t wait for me to view their latest creation for Easter..."crack Easter rabbits."

Well, first of all, they looked like aging, crack-addicted hamster hookers who hang around the bus station after midnight. I was told that the sculptor originally made them to be very "realistic" (i.e., the male could do Viagra commercials, if you know what I mean) and the GM ordered them to be fixed...literally.

He also instructed the HR department to recommend psychiatric counselling for the sculptor.

Perhaps the sculptor can share a couch with Big John Daly, who seems to be heading in that direction on jet-powered roller skates.

For those of you who missed the latest saga in the life of Big John, his swing coach dumped him, then he got chucked out of the Bay Hill Invitational for missing his tee time in a Pro-Am the day before.

Apparently, during the tee time confirmation phone call, the operator thought he was asking for his Thursday tee time and not the Wednesday Pro-Am time. That’s plausible and I think that Daly should’ve been given the benefit of the doubt. Organisers should just be happy if he remembers what month it is. Hoping he remembers the day or time is a bit much.

Legendary swing coach Butch Harmon decided to dump him because he felt that Daly wasn’t taking the game seriously enough and again, I have to take issue with this..

I cannot see how hanging out at the "Hooters" hospitality tent for 2 1/2 hours during a rain delay during the first round, guzzling beer, scarfing chicken wings and then letting a football coach caddie for him could be anything less than serious.

Daly is an admitted alcoholic and obviously believes that being a member of "Alcoholics Anonymous" simply means continue drinking but use someone else’s name at the meetings. A perfectly logical misunderstanding.

Having Tampa Bay Buccaneers coach Jon Gruden caddie for him after the rain delay makes good sense too. Look, if there is anyone who can motivate people, it’s an NFL football coach as they have such a colourful way of putting things in perspective for a player.

Harmon stated that act made the whole thing look like a circus.

Naaaah, but if Big John got Dave Madden to that would’ve been worth watching and would’ve been better than a circus.

After missing the cut with rounds of 77-80, Daly headed back on Saturday to the Hooters "Owl’s Nest" next to the 17th hole, to drink more beer, mingle with fans and sign more derrieres.

As you might expect from the truly inebriated, Daly said he thought it was good public relations for the event and claimed to have "signed a thousand hats." Lord only knows what else he would sign given enough beer and the opportunity.

Daly has been on a downward spiral since losing a playoff to Tiger Woods in 2005 at Harding Park in a World Golf Championship event, something which I am sure Ernie Els can sympathize with. He hurt his ribs last year at the Honda Classic when a camera click caused him to stop in the middle of a swing.

Yes, I know what you’re thinking. If Tiger can stop in the middle of a swing without hurting himself, why can’t Daly?

Simple. Tiger has such precise timing that he can hit a ball sitting on a tree root and still let go of the club after impact with the ball, but before impact with the tree root, whereas Daly would be too shikka to even know there was a tree there.

Daly lost his full PGA Tour card two years ago and relies mainly on sponsor exemptions. In seven events this year, he has missed the cut three times and withdrew from the Bob Hope Classic, where he was spotted at several after-hour parties. His best finish was a tie for 60th in Mexico, but probably set a record for "Drinking and Driving."

The saddest thing I could imagine is Daly becoming a comic foot note in the history of golf because he has such amazing talent for golf.

And, unfortunately, self destruction as well.

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