TEED OFF
By Robert Bicknell
 

25081.gif (15822 bytes)

April 1, 2007

Happy April Fools DayÖ

Anytime you pick up a magazine or newspaper on April Fools Day, you have to suspect some of the items in there might be tongue-in-cheek. You also have to be wary of strange happenings around the office, at home or even on the golf course. Nobody is immune from a good practical joke, providing it is essentially harmless.

This is the time of year when exploding golf balls filled with baby powder mysteriously appear on the golf course, along with rubber snakes and wobble balls (which have an offset centre, that makes them fly unpredictably and makes putting a nightmare for your victim).

Lee Trevino pulled the old rubber snake gag on Jack Nicklaus right before a sudden death play-off. Nicklaus almost jumped out of his skin, allowing Trevino to win the play-off. In golf, timing is everythingÖ

This is also the one time of year that I can get away with telling the most outrageous lies imaginable...without getting into trouble. So, here are a few "whoppers" in honour of April 1st.

After winning every tournament on the planet twice, including the Gannon Vietnam Open Championship in Phan Thiet, Tiger Woods has decided to undergo a sex-change so he can compete on the LPGA and become the first player to win everything on both tours. To maintain name recognition, he will be known as "Tigress Woods".

Tigerís wife supported her husbandís choice but claimed "she wears the pants in the family now."

Not to be outdone, Michelle Wie, tired of all the pundits (such as yours truly) taking cheap shots at her attempts to compete on the menís PGA Tour, also underwent a similar operation.

"Wee Willie Wie" expects to play her first Tour event following massive hormone treatments at the Sylvester Stallone Body Shop in Beverly Hills.

Phil Mickelson, who mimics everything Tiger does, surprised everyone by refusing to go under the knife. Mickelson claimed that with Tiger on the LPGA, he has a better chance to finally win something. Ernie Els also refused to follow the trend, stating simply that he "looks terrible in pumps."

Augusta National has announced the creation of the Ladies Masters Tournament and will award pink jackets in lieu of the normal green ones for the menís event. However, ladies will still not be allowed to become members.

Callaway Golf purchased TaylorMade and will now market clubs under the CallaMade brand. Their first launch will be a hybrid driver using the best of both companyís top-selling drivers. The company claims the "R8 Bertha", features a "tri-nitro-titanium" (TNT) face which has balls literally exploding off the tee. The USGA is reportedly not amused by this design trend.

Britney Spears was arrested for stalking David Duval, but claimed it was harmless. Spears said she wanted to learn Duvalís secret of being ignored by the press. Duval claimed ignorance of who Spears was, saying he didnít follow tennis too closely

Not all news was internationalÖ

On the local golf scene, Jeff Puchalski purchased every rest stop location between HCM City and Phan Thiet for his new Jeff-Mex food franchises which specialises in Pizza, English muffins, quesadillas and frosty margaritas. As expected, each franchise also has a body and fender shop.

Angelina Jolie has agreed to lend her name and likeness for a charity golf tournament. (All joking aside, this isnít a bad idea!). The "Angelina Jolie / Brad Pitt Charity Golf Tournament to benefit children in Vietnam" will be held on 01 April 2006. Whoops, too bad you missed it, but you can imagine what the trophies resembled!

Lars Holden became the latest spokesperson for Hair Club For Men, claiming he now has a full mane to rip out in frustration, just like all the other pros.

Ian Fleming completed a mail-order "Sensitivity Training" course then promptly threw five new members out of his club before they even struck their first tee shot. But he did it in a nicer and more compassionate way - he didnít have them caned first.

And lastly, Robert Bicknell won the Gannon Vietnam Open Championshipís professional division after all the other pros stayed home due to a date misprint on their invitations.


Back to Issues